breastfeeding?

I have  kids. I have always been aware of the importance of breastfeeding. All the benefits that your newborn baby gets from it and also how it helps your body heal so much faster.

But I also know that it's ok no to breastfeed if doing so interferes with how you feel towards your baby.

After I had my son (3rd child) I was ready to breastfeed again. I've always breastfeed my children for at least 3mths each. But this time was different.This times was painful.

My 2nd and 3rd child are 10 months apart. I became pregnant right after my post partum visit, My body had not healed. Everything was more painful.

Aside from everything I was determined to keep trying. That was until one morning while my partner was taking our daughter to school I tried to breastfeed. He found me lying on the floor crying because of the pain.
I had this excrutiating pain that would not stop.

He gave me an ibuproben and rubbed my lower belly but I couldnt get up. The pain started when I tried to breastfeed my son. It was worse that labor pain (mind you, I have had all 3 kids vaginally and 1 of them with NO drugs!).

After this dramatic episode (like he calls it) I kept on trying. Every attempt was unsuccesful. I just could not breast feed him. I couldnt!

After a while I was ok with that. He was healthy. Eating like a horse. No concerns.

But then something about other people feeling that they have the right to ask you whether your are breastfeeding or not made me feel guilty. And if your answer is NO, you have to deal with this accusing "your are a bad mother look" frustates me greatly.

I started trying to make excuses and explaining myself to complete stangers who do not know or need to know what happened. Then I'll ask my self, why? Why do I need to explain myself?

A woman has all the right in the world not to breastfeed. And that doesnt make her a bad mom. A woman (me) has the right not the questioned ot looked at "funny" just because she is not breastfedding.

It's my choice!

I happen to be a great mom ( or so I think). My children are healthy, happy and I give then all the love I have and more.

Therefore I propose the "I decide whether to breast feed or not" movement.

let me write it for you

I got home from work and the chaos began. Homework needed to be done. Dinner needed to be done. My 5 month old was hungry (who knows why), my 15 month old needed mommies attention and the 6yr old had to do homework and was worried about dinner ( she is a picky eater).

Nothing new. Sufise to say this is what happens at me house everynight.

My 6 year old, Brithanie, gets ups and asks "mommy when are you going to be sckinie?"

"Uhm?!" I could not understand what she was trying to tell me. I ask her 4 times what she meant. I tought it was something homework related, something that had happen earlier at school or at after school.

"Let me write it down for you, mommie" she says while I keep preparing dinner. Time keeps running you know.

She comes back to me with a half sheet from her notebook that reads "sckinie".

"What does that say, bibi?"

"It says sskyniee, mommie. When are you going to be skinny like me again?"

I could have died in that moment and not even noticed!!
Why in the world was my 6yr old worried on whether I was skinny or fat. Granted I'm over weight but i just had 2 babies back to back!! Can someone cut a girl some slack?!

I looked at her and laugh. I explained to her that mommy just had a baby and that it will take a looonnnggg time for mommy to lose the baby weight. To which she replaied " yeah mommy but you dont have another baby in there, do you?"