November 23, 2012

when it starts beating slow

my day seems brighter, just at the thought of u
i shine
i smile
i feel alive

my sorrow's fade just with one stare
what one kiss accomplishes
how do i explain

like a little girl with no experience
butterfly in my stomach, i start feeling

like a girl who doesn't know 
what love means and the pain it brings
a girl who will risk it all, only if she could
just to be with you

i know its not right
i know its wrong 
but what do i tell my heart 
when it starts beating so slow

what do i do now
after those feelings have been found
how do i explain it to myself
now that your heart was found

July 09, 2012

Is it time?

A hate to start a post with the words "Well Ive decided to start writing again" but there are no other words I could use since that is exactly what I'm going to do. So here they are "well Ive decided to start writing again!"

Its been a while. And I guess until now I do understand what writing means to me, what a big part of my life it is. Its not something I grew into doing or simply enjoy. Is more of my life. A big part of my life.

Its been a while that Ive had the idea of writing a children's book. I just didn't have the courage to do it.
I'm undergoing a big change in my life and I think now its the time. I was watching an inspiring movie last
night, with one of my favorite actress, cant remember her name now, but it took for something very
dramatic to happen for her to get off her lazy couch, take charge of her life and do something she always wanted to do!

I think the same think is happening to me! Not the same life story thought but the part in which we
realize that there are things that we always wanted to do we just never get around to them, leave them for
another day and sadly that day never comes.

Well Ive decided the day is here, now, today! I promise my self to write something everyday. No matter
how tired, upset, out of whack my day seems. I'm going to write something daily. I will hold my self accountable to my word beginning today.

So stay tuned! If you weren't tune, get tune because the best of me its about to begin!


June 27, 2012

If you only knew

I stare at the door everytime a car stops by
 thinking its you getting home. 
 I wish were home when I walk in this afternoon.
I miss you at night when I lay on your side of the bed and you are not there for me to hug...
I want to feel your warm body next to my cold feet.
I want to be able to lay on your chest and just lay there. 
To hear you snore when i wake up in the middle of the night. 
Boy this is harder than I thought or even imagine.
Part of me hates you (in a way you wouldnt even imagine or dream of)
but another part of me misses you like crazy. 
I want to hug you and push you away at the same time.  
My brain wishes to push you out but my heart keeps bringing you in...
Boy this is not easy. Not one little bit...
If you only knew how much I miss you
how much you mean to me
 if you only knew... 

June 21, 2012

Magic potion, anyone?

I think we could all stop for a moment and remember the last time we felt so depressed that we wanted to crawl into a whole and hide like a kid indefinetely?
If you dont remember, then think deeper, im sure you will find that moment eventually... :)

Ive been feeling like that lately.

I had a mayor life changing moment recently. Will keep it a secret for now but just be happy (or rather sad) that im undergoing such event.

Ive come to terms with the fact that as adults we dont get to choose everything that happens in our life. We choose to live a rather happy, fullfilled life but we cant choose the events that happen in our life.

Life sometimes just happens.
And trust me I know some folks are reading this and going " we could always choose, we just sometimes dont do it, we are the authors of our own story, etc".... Well sorry to brake it to ya... but No you dont always get to choose.
Shit just happens.. We do however have to POWER to make the best of every situation. That i know. And it is now what I mean. So lets leave that on hold for now.

Think back at that time in which you felt like something really weird and perphaps awful happened and you are wondering "how the heck did that happen!"

When that moment HIT YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE,  what did you do to get out of it?! How did you overcome something like that? Any magic potion or light to look at like MIB that will make you erase/forget what happened?

May 02, 2012

She is ready to be 9 but am I?

Am I the ONLY one out there that feels this way.....My baby girl (who is really my oldest) is turning 9 today.

And Boy do I have an explosion of feelings inside!
Not sure if I want to celebrate or get sad, be happy or mad, smile or cry...

I guess I knew this moment was bound to get here but I'm not ready.
And then again who is? Where you?

Nine is a big number. The age in which they start transforming themselves into young teenagers (golp...teenagers! Such a scary word!).
I knew the time had to come but again I am not ready.

She is my baby. She was just in diapers yesterday. I want to hold onto her for a little longer.
I want her innocence to stay with her for ever.
I want her hugs to be candid and warm, I want to hear the I love you's for a while longer.
The letters of love and "the mom I missed you".
The wanting to spent time with mom, the no make up time periods.

I dont know that I am ready to talk about boys, to have "the" talk, to start explaining the birds and the bees...
I want to hold on for a little longer but time is slowly taking her away...

I knew the time had to come but I am so not ready.
And she is. She is so eager to turn nine. She cant stop talking about it. She is now a big girl, who
could cross the street alone and watch programs for older kids.
Who makes believe she is in charge of the younger ones, the one that could handle bigger tasks.

I just pray for Guidance, for the words of wisdom to tell her, the knowledge to handle her, the love
to protect her, the Lord to take good care of her...

And here tonight as I'm typing and crying I wish one day I could help her be the woman my
mom helped me be...

Bibi, I love you, just dont grow up too fast.

April 12, 2012

Man over certain age....

A lot has been said about the tendencies of man over certain age, what happens when they start to feel old. The need to prove themselves, and others, they've still got it.

A desperate need to stop the aging process comes over them; the passing of the years, the inevitable fact that everything comes to an end, that they are getting "old".
In our hispanic communities this is a growing pattern. It's alarming to see men, who are self absorb, insecure, selffish and childish portraining this need to reinsure themselves by being with younger women.
They have develop, as the years pass, this candid fatherhood need. Its sick and pathetic. Most of them have money, power, weatlh. Things that could get anyone almost anything they want or desire.

In my experience most of these girls are from low income families. They have grown up lacking even the bacis necesities. And lets not confuse the topic here, which is not how these girls haved fooled the men to get what they want. We would leave that topic for another day.

I believe its more an issue about the underlining cause for these men to need to be around young girls. They are little girls who havent had the chance to experience true love, passion. Im not saying that some of these men dont end up loving them but they are experienced, they have "lived". They had their chance at love, missed it.
These young girls are being robed of the especial feeling of being with someone especial, of being the only one and not the other one. These men dont realized that they have daughters and that their little girl would grow up one day. They might end up being " that " girl they are now pursuing or loving.

The tender touch a real highschool boyfriend gives you, its not the same one as the perverted touch an older man gives you. The tenderness of a young ones love, the warm you feel when being hugged, the soft touch of their hands...cant be compare to the morbossity some of these men share. Ive seen how its a bit of a trophy to walk into a room with a young girl by your hand. The younger the better. Its their way of saying "well looky here, ive got me a fresh one", as if we were speaking of fish. Its young girls we are refering to!

Girls who would most likely be tarnish by the time it hits them that love is more important than money, that you will probably only get one chance at it (some are lucky to get two).
Most of these men only want them for one of 3 reasons:

1. Their "virginity" or like some call it Innocence.

2. Their beauty, not implying that older women are not beautiful, just saying that stupid men cant see it!

3. Emptyness, again not implying they young girls are stupid but admiting that a older woman are wiser therefore less likely to settle for less than what she is worth.

They are not a piece of something you hang by your arm, they are something you could easily get rid of when you get tired (althought most of them do). They are priceless, they are innocent stupid girls most likely never had a father figure to look up to or guide them.

The other night my husband was hugging our 3 year old really tight. He asked her to give daddy a kiss and to hug him. I was frozen just looking at both of them and couldnt help myself but ask him if he was ok. He is always lovable with them but this was different. His reply to me was " i'm going to give her ALL the love she could ever get. That way when she gets older she doesnt have to go look in a man what her father didnt give her...". Needless to say, i cried realizing this is what these young girls are looking for: what they most likely never had at home.

I know as a fact that what i think its not going to change the world, that mostly women would read this piece, that men who would read it wont dear to comment, that my toughts might even get lost in the vast world of the web. But i pray that if it happens to come across the monitor of a young girl who is thinking or doing an older folk to rethink her choice.

To know she has other options. That there its more to life, that she is smart enough to do better on her own, that her beauty (inner and outer) as cheesy as it might sound should be kept for the love of her life...because one day it will come knocking at her door (or window or rooftop) and she wants to be ready, untarnished waiting for it...

April 09, 2012

How far will parents go to protect their kids?

I've been doing this parent thing for quite a while now, 9 years to be exact, and I've always been a bit over protecting when it comes to my children.

I wash their hands, keep them warm, make sure vaccines are up to date, etc. if you ask my husband he will agree that I'm a bit "too much" since I'm always the first one to rush to the doctor at the slightest sound of a cough. I won't apologize since I think I'm doing what it's best for them (don't we all!).

But even i would agree that everything has its limits. My whole family moved to the Dominican Republic about a year ago. I've been exposed to a different culture that I had forgotten about. This week as I travel to Miami, Florida, I couldn't help but to stared at people I encounter. I lived in the US for over 12 years and I'M very familiar with the different cultures the are in US and very comfortable with them. To sum it all up, nothing surprises me anymore.

But since I have not been around for a while I felt like I was entering a new world, one that fascinated me...

I came across this family, no idea where there are from, just know they were Caucasian, mom, dad and child. The kid must had been 4 or 5 years old tops. He was out of the stroller and it was obvious that he wanted to walk around. He wasn't running around, he wasn't being curios or rebel, he just seen glad he was on his feet.

The mom was focused on picking up her son, she was obviously insisting on carrying him despite the fact that he was on a stand still. There was no eminent danger since we were at the mall, no entrance near by, no cars crossing, no weird looking folks around ( at least not weirder than the ones that are always there). But she was insisting on picking him up. And as she was doing that I could help but notice a tag hanging from the kids pants.

It was about the size of an index card and it said his name, parents name, address, phone number, email address, EVERYTHING.

I have to admit it was more than I had seen, to me a protecting mom that was just tooooooo much! I know first hand what it is to fear your child ever getting lost and don't even want to think of the idea of never seem them again. I've thought my older one our address and phone numbers, her full name, etc. but from there to tag them?

I can help but wonder how far will us parents go to keep them "safe"?

March 24, 2012

The fun of helping others

I was really thrown off today... I say this because not many people get to have the satisfaction of getting me out of the right state of mind!

I happen to be the type of person that tries to stay on point which at times could be hard because I tell it like it is (most of the time). I have the tendency of telling people certain things they dont like about themselves and tend to point out when they are...well wrong

I'm sure many of you have encounter people, family, co-workers who think differently. They have the perception that they only need to worry about their life, their work, their part of the load. They have this crazy thought that they are only responsible for the little bucket they were once assigned and that anything else is just that...

What they dont seem to comprehend is that being that type of person, human being, employee turns you into the first person that goes when its time for budget cuts, the last relative you want to approach for advise or for help, the last person anyone helps when YOU are the one in need of assistance.

If we humans understood that something as simple asbeing friendly, helpful, joyful and candid could take you a long wayyyyyyyy......perphaps we would make an effort to change, would we?

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

March 08, 2012

Dont we all use the bathroom with the same purpose?

It takes more than patience to be able to work with certain situations. 

I think it has of willingness than anything else. I´ve learned that in life you will encounter situations in which you must step OUT (really out) of your comfort zone. In which you must we stop thinking about ourselves and how selfish we could be (as humans and idiots) in a lot of situations. By now you are probably wondering “what in the world if she talking about, she must be high or something along those lines”…but hear me out…

I´ve not always worked inside an office, I do now. I´ve had worked all my working life with people. I have to admit that I am a bit of a people’s person. At one point in my life I had this crazy idea of being a Forensic Scientist but desisted after knowing that I could be enclosed with cadavers ALL day long…… I think I wouldn’t have gone crazy! SERIOUSLY (serious face on).

I need to see people, interact with them, feel that I am making a difference on someone else’s life, and impact on how their day might be going or even how their life its turning…I have these need for knowing that I am useful and helpful. It might be a bad thing if you think I am being selfish or need all the attention to myself but that it not it. It’s more than that.

I’ve also had the blessing of sharing work space with folks who don’t think the same as I do. They are complete jerks when it comes to handling others. They have no people skills what so ever and irritate me like you could not imagine. And I irritate them as well because of the way I am… straight up. I don’t like or accept or allow anyone to treat anyone else like a piece of junk, don’t like or tolerate people to think they are better or higher than anyone else.

Why all of this? Today at work this lady who we will call Apple got on my last nerve. She had been there for a really long time. She is an accountant and has worked there longer than I had (which really doesn’t affect me because I just don’t care, I still do my job). She happens to be in charge of paying the drivers whenever they do a deliver and have to bring back merchandise.
The driver calls me up because he knows I will fix the problem and she is a pain, to make sure he is going to get his money paid. I tell her why the driver it’s worried because she doesn’t pay them as she is supposed to and her answer is “well I’m not going to pay him now!”……… and some more …….

By now you are probably trying to figure out how my face turned! Trust me Not pretty.

What? Are you joking me? Have you lost it? You are not paying him? Why?
Because you said so! News flash it doesn’t work like that! He is doing his job; you do yours and pay him his money. He worked for it and you are nobody to tell him that he is not going to get paid because you said so….

People like that irritate me because they claim themselves professionals just because they have a Diploma getting dusty in their house and ring on their fingers. Education starts at an early age and most so called Professional don’t have a bit of it. I´ve found folks who barely know how to write their name and who behave and have a great deal of Education.

Don’t be so quick portraying yourself as bigger than other as if you don’t all use the bathroom for the same purpose…

Have you laughed today?


February 13, 2012

Hello There

Hi, yes its me and Im still here...

I just being a little preocupied with God and this new found life of mine... Its a wonderful thing  I tell ya!

Ive rediscover myself and it will take more than just one post to explain it to you in full (dont worry I wont overwhelmed you now, will save it for later)....