Lately I havent felt like myself at all. I´ve been moody, crancky, thinking too much about past decisions and I even shed a tear today...
It´s funny how sometimes you realized that you have been unadvisily swamp by feelings that you werent awared you had. Feelings of emptiness, of impotence, of needing to do something definite, drastic.
I had that feeling today. Shared it with someone who I never in a million years would think will understand me. And came to realized that if anyone understood me was her.
She has been hiding in the silence, quiet, sumisive for so many years. She has been there thru thick and thin, on the high and on the lows, she stands straight well all else passes...
October 25, 2011
October 24, 2011
the ¨new¨ me at 30
Yeay!!! I´m thirty!
I have to honest and admit that I thought it would be harder to hit 30, as if I was going to change how I felt or who I was, as if that would feel like one of those life changing experiences in which you undergo some sort of transe and when you come back to your body you are no longer the you from before...
Does it makes sense? Perphaps it doesnt but that is how I felt.
Today I see that how I felt was not real. I´m still my crazy old self just a year older and wiser. I still get to change my hair color often, I still get tongue tied at times, I still love my family and friends as much as I did when I was 29, I still have strong opinions and values that no one will change, I´m still me!
I have to honest and admit that I thought it would be harder to hit 30, as if I was going to change how I felt or who I was, as if that would feel like one of those life changing experiences in which you undergo some sort of transe and when you come back to your body you are no longer the you from before...
Does it makes sense? Perphaps it doesnt but that is how I felt.
Today I see that how I felt was not real. I´m still my crazy old self just a year older and wiser. I still get to change my hair color often, I still get tongue tied at times, I still love my family and friends as much as I did when I was 29, I still have strong opinions and values that no one will change, I´m still me!
October 20, 2011
So excited today I could scream !!!
Today I feel like a real writer. I´m sure you have encounter a situation in which you do something but practically noone knows about it and therefore you dont feel like you do that thing that you know that you do (I know confusing!)
Well that it how it felt all the years that I´ve been writing and noone knew I was a writer. I will do my blog posts and no comments, no one read it, nothing.... It truly just felt like I was just a writer to myself!
Well along came Emily from Nap Time is My Time to the rescue! She has been so kind to have me as a guest blogger over at her blog. She featured my blog and post and I could not be any happier!!!!
I´m overwhelmed by this ¨Now I feel like I´m a real writer¨ feeling. I feel like I could scream it to the world (dont know if they will listen thought) but I feel like I´m not just a writer wanna be...I´m a writer!
You could find the post here!
Thank you Emily for the Opportunity...You have NO idea what it means to me.
ps: I will love to visit Texas one day!
Well that it how it felt all the years that I´ve been writing and noone knew I was a writer. I will do my blog posts and no comments, no one read it, nothing.... It truly just felt like I was just a writer to myself!
Well along came Emily from Nap Time is My Time to the rescue! She has been so kind to have me as a guest blogger over at her blog. She featured my blog and post and I could not be any happier!!!!
I´m overwhelmed by this ¨Now I feel like I´m a real writer¨ feeling. I feel like I could scream it to the world (dont know if they will listen thought) but I feel like I´m not just a writer wanna be...I´m a writer!
You could find the post here!
Thank you Emily for the Opportunity...You have NO idea what it means to me.
ps: I will love to visit Texas one day!
Aidé
Have you shared a smile today?
October 18, 2011
the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world
This woman has shown me everything I know and so much more that will take more than an post...and here she is... My amaizing mother, Happy Birthday!
September 20, 2011
Update on weight loss...
Well have to admit that I have not taken weight loss as serious as I tought until this past week. I havent loss any weight yet but I started hitting the gym in a more serious note (by that I mean everyday).
I know this is not much to say but to me its a huge step (a really big one), going from not doing anything to actually getting up and doing something (mind you i go to the gym at 9 at NIGHT!) its a lot...
well that its all for now folks, wish me luck and stay tune!!!
I know this is not much to say but to me its a huge step (a really big one), going from not doing anything to actually getting up and doing something (mind you i go to the gym at 9 at NIGHT!) its a lot...
well that its all for now folks, wish me luck and stay tune!!!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
September 13, 2011
Weight loss here I come...
So i´ve decided to follow a fellow blogger who is determined to lose some weight before she is 30 years old. Believe it or not I will soon be 30... I know its awesome! (no not really), and I want to get rid of some weight that i have been packing for a while now.
I found this blog called Escape from Obesity and they have this Habit a week program where you let go of one bad habit at the time. The first week is about increasing your water intake. As we all know most of us dont drink the amount of water that our body needs in a daily basis.
So gather up your water bottle, put away the juices and sodas (and other junk we often drink) and join me as i give my life a 180 turn!
I found this blog called Escape from Obesity and they have this Habit a week program where you let go of one bad habit at the time. The first week is about increasing your water intake. As we all know most of us dont drink the amount of water that our body needs in a daily basis.
So gather up your water bottle, put away the juices and sodas (and other junk we often drink) and join me as i give my life a 180 turn!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
September 02, 2011
It´s Childhood Cancer month...most of us don´t even know
Today I read a post from Manic Mother Photography that broke my heart. The owner of this blog (sorry I don’t know her name) has a child with Leukemia, his name is Ezra. He seems to be a gracious and vivacious child who was diagnosed at an early age. I don’t know these folks but her story touched me.
I´m a mother and to read her words of how she wishes she could help her son get better, make the needles stop and the tears go away but she can’t. You could read her story here.
It reminded me of Angel. She is the niece of a woman to whom I´m very grateful to. Because she thought me so much, she was my supervisor, a friend and my mentor. I learned from her even when I wasn’t around her. Angel is a 7 year old who was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2010. Angel is a warrior, she´s very blessed.
I wanted to share her story for 2 reasons:
1) I´m a mother, couldn’t even imaging if something of this magnitude were to ever happen to any of my children. It´s hard for me as a daughter to see my mom undergo medical issues, it will be devastating to see my young child go thru something like this. For that I have to say ¨hat´s off to Myra and Alan (Angel´s parents) plus the whole family. You guys are such a tight and united family. You have prayed so hard but also have done EVERYTHING you could to make sure your little girl is care for. And you have given her all the support and love that she needed back then and she needs now to believe that this will soon be over, that God will cure her and continue to bless her as he has so far.
2) To ask for your donations. Since his Childhood Cancer month, since maybe Angel would soon need surgery again (let´s pray she doesn´t), if any time this would be the best time to do so.
You could read Angel story here at Caring Bridge (hope the family doesn´t mind me sharing this).
You would see the Donate now link on the right hand side of the page.
Please help, do something because every little bit helps. Give & Pray, get your hands busy these little Angel´s need us...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free! August 30, 2011
Day 29, my support system!
It might sound repetitive but God is my number one support, he never leaves my side even when I´m moody.
My mom comes right after because she is there for me no matter what. I have been up high and down low and she is ALWAYS there. When I was in my teen years she told me that a mother is the only person that would always be there, that friends come and go but your mom rarely leaves your side.
And if those words would had been the winning lotery numbers I would be a millionaire today!
My husband believe it or not is always there for me, even when times are rough and we might even be mad at each other he listens to my crazy ideas, contributes to my crazy ideas and helps me make my crazy dreams come true! I´ve got a bunch of friends (and you know who you are because I call you at all times of the day) who help me make it throw scratch free...
My mom comes right after because she is there for me no matter what. I have been up high and down low and she is ALWAYS there. When I was in my teen years she told me that a mother is the only person that would always be there, that friends come and go but your mom rarely leaves your side.
And if those words would had been the winning lotery numbers I would be a millionaire today!
My husband believe it or not is always there for me, even when times are rough and we might even be mad at each other he listens to my crazy ideas, contributes to my crazy ideas and helps me make my crazy dreams come true! I´ve got a bunch of friends (and you know who you are because I call you at all times of the day) who help me make it throw scratch free...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free! August 29, 2011
Day 28th, What is in my Bag?
Uhm Good question?! My I-touch, my glasses, a daily pad (Yes, I did said pad, and I´m well aware that we women dont even mention that, but hey this is the 21th century), my laptop, phones, a hair clippy, pen, pencil, wallet, coin purse, a book that I almost dont get time to read and some candy that I steal from my kids. From time to time I carry wipes and diapers plus junk food...I know nothing interesting!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
Wow that is what I call commitment!
I came across this post today from a blogger I started to follow because she is on her way to losing weight and I admire her because she´s actually doing it!
I have said I´m going to do it but never actually DO something, i never get to the gym or wake up early to exersise, dont do yoga or use any of the equipment I´ve accumulated throught the years. I just let time pass me by... she´s actually inspired me to do something. She did this 48 hours fasting for people who are homeless, without food, the ones that at this time (3:00 pm) have not had their first meal.
Here is her post, hope you read it, and I´ve decided to hit the gym today! I will no longer be still, I will be proactive. Be ready, watch my wings spread...
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/08/46-hours-of-fasting-down-2-to-go.html
I have said I´m going to do it but never actually DO something, i never get to the gym or wake up early to exersise, dont do yoga or use any of the equipment I´ve accumulated throught the years. I just let time pass me by... she´s actually inspired me to do something. She did this 48 hours fasting for people who are homeless, without food, the ones that at this time (3:00 pm) have not had their first meal.
Here is her post, hope you read it, and I´ve decided to hit the gym today! I will no longer be still, I will be proactive. Be ready, watch my wings spread...
http://missapril-30before30.blogspot.com/2011/08/46-hours-of-fasting-down-2-to-go.html
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 28, 2011
Day 27 my worst Habit, uhm...
It´s without a doubt organizing but it´s not you think. I have to have things in place or my life goes downhill. My whole day and mood depend on it. My desk has to be an organized mess, same with the home. If I get home and things are out of place I get all cranky for no reason and start cleaning\organizing. I´ve had days in which i use my lunch break to organized instead of eating!
I dislike when folks start moving my stuff around whether at home or at work. And hate with a passion whenever folks live things OUT OF PLACE. Why must you not put them back were you found them???
So there you have it, not sure if its a dislike post or a worst habit...
I dislike when folks start moving my stuff around whether at home or at work. And hate with a passion whenever folks live things OUT OF PLACE. Why must you not put them back were you found them???
So there you have it, not sure if its a dislike post or a worst habit...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 27, 2011
30 Days about me, Favorite store
My favorite store...I would choose the ones I like the most because if I start listing all the store I like this post would not have an end.
I love shopping at Old Navy for me, ¨the¨ best jeans ever, they just hug my curves!
Childrens place is the best spot for kids clothes, they are a bit pricey but those clothes could with stand my little Monsters (and that is a lot! trust me).
Kohls, what can I say I love everything in there! and Nike, love them sneakers...
There, my top favorites!
I love shopping at Old Navy for me, ¨the¨ best jeans ever, they just hug my curves!
Childrens place is the best spot for kids clothes, they are a bit pricey but those clothes could with stand my little Monsters (and that is a lot! trust me).
Kohls, what can I say I love everything in there! and Nike, love them sneakers...
There, my top favorites!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 26, 2011
My mom raised 4 kids as a single mother who has worked really hard at whatever job she has had to do to bring food to our table (decent jobs of course), from doing other´s laundry to selling toys off the side walk for Christmas. Whatever was needed. Today we are all grown folks, professionals in different areas, holding stady jobs or owing a business (my bother Mayo). We might not be ¨the¨best folks to deal with but we are honest ones who try to do some sort of good.
My sister she inspires me daily because everyday she has a different battle and she is brave enough to face it HEAD on instead of running and hiding (which is what I would do). She embraces her troubles and comes out victorious! (do not ask me the details, all I know is that the Lord is her guide).
Ok ready to move on to the friends:
My girls: Irene, Amber & Sylvia
We have been thru so much, we have cried together, laugh together (peed together, lol) been to places, mess with other people and so much more than I could reveal!
I thank you all for ALL you have done for me, ALL you have with stand with me AND for me, for ALL i thank you!
Love you all!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 24, 2011
Day 23, You tube Talk
I feel just like Emily from Nap time is My time i do not have a post for today.
I exclusively use You tube for music videos which i refuse paying got on Itunes and which i enjoy viewing every now and then. But i would not waste my time searching for things with little value to me...I would much rather search for interesting blogs or edit photos. Sorry folks but we are few in a bunch!
I exclusively use You tube for music videos which i refuse paying got on Itunes and which i enjoy viewing every now and then. But i would not waste my time searching for things with little value to me...I would much rather search for interesting blogs or edit photos. Sorry folks but we are few in a bunch!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free! August 22, 2011
21 day about me...cooking
Okey, as I have stated before I hate cooking, dont like it not one bit.
Now that we have that clear, my mind is blanked the moment I try to think of a recipe. I´m gonna share my hubby´s rice and beans recipe called Gallo Pinto. This recipe is from Nicaragua and it´s very simple to make and really yummy.
It works best if you have white rice left over from the day before (meaning a day old). It has to be properly stored since its not supposed to have gone bad just last night rice would do. Grab a can of black beans, some onions, white cheese and a little bit of seasoning.
Stir fry the onions, add the beans and the seasoning just enough to give the beans some of your own flavor, pour some water in the can were the beans where, about half the can and pour it in the pan, after a few minutes, not too many minutes you dont want the mixture to dry up, add the rice and stirr until its all mix with the beans. Serve hot with some slices of cheese, yum!
Now that we have that clear, my mind is blanked the moment I try to think of a recipe. I´m gonna share my hubby´s rice and beans recipe called Gallo Pinto. This recipe is from Nicaragua and it´s very simple to make and really yummy.
It works best if you have white rice left over from the day before (meaning a day old). It has to be properly stored since its not supposed to have gone bad just last night rice would do. Grab a can of black beans, some onions, white cheese and a little bit of seasoning.
Stir fry the onions, add the beans and the seasoning just enough to give the beans some of your own flavor, pour some water in the can were the beans where, about half the can and pour it in the pan, after a few minutes, not too many minutes you dont want the mixture to dry up, add the rice and stirr until its all mix with the beans. Serve hot with some slices of cheese, yum!
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 20, 2011
Day 19 something I´m good at...
There is the obvious photography ( i dont claim being good at it, but i do claim loving it!). But besides that I´m good at story telling. I make up the craziest stories to my kids or any other kids that i know. My 8yr old loves stories and we had read all the books we had at home (age appropiate books, wink wink!) and i had a light buld moment and started to make up stories for her.
I told her about the most beautiful girl in the whole world who didnt like to eat (she is a picky eater) and her mom made her the most delicious food ever...but before she knew what mom had cooked she said ¨mommy i dont want to eat that!.¨ ¨Honey but you dont even know what I´m cooking, why dont you wait first and then say that you dont like it?¨the mom replied.
¨No I´m sure I wont like it! I´m very sure.¨ she said. ¨ Well you need to try it any way¨. When the girl tried to food she not only liked it she asks for seconds, uhm yummy. The mom told the girl that from that moment on she must first try things out before rejeting them. The girl agreed and she lived happily ever after... the end.
After this one I´ve made so many other ones always based on stuff that happens in our daily life, i still read to her but she likes my made up stories and whenever i´m really exhausted they save me from having to read...
ps: story protected by copyright laws, soon to be available in hardcover.
I told her about the most beautiful girl in the whole world who didnt like to eat (she is a picky eater) and her mom made her the most delicious food ever...but before she knew what mom had cooked she said ¨mommy i dont want to eat that!.¨ ¨Honey but you dont even know what I´m cooking, why dont you wait first and then say that you dont like it?¨the mom replied.
¨No I´m sure I wont like it! I´m very sure.¨ she said. ¨ Well you need to try it any way¨. When the girl tried to food she not only liked it she asks for seconds, uhm yummy. The mom told the girl that from that moment on she must first try things out before rejeting them. The girl agreed and she lived happily ever after... the end.
After this one I´ve made so many other ones always based on stuff that happens in our daily life, i still read to her but she likes my made up stories and whenever i´m really exhausted they save me from having to read...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free! ps: story protected by copyright laws, soon to be available in hardcover.
August 17, 2011
I´ve missed a few days in the 30 days...
Sorry I’ve been little off the blog for the past few days, but I’ve been with this cold that won’t go away! But I think I’m back J. So I’m going to try to keep myself in track, here we go:
1. Something I’m OCD about…and it might sound tacky…but my girls have become costumed to us praying every night. I’ve told them that it keeps bad dreams away. So if I’m not home and they can’t pray they will wake up in the middle of the night and come find me to pray. If I’m not home to pray them I go to their bed and pray in their ears although they are sleeping (like snoring and completely out!), still pray. I’ve come to the point that I believe if they don’t pray they will have bad dreams and that by praying I’m keeping ¨bad¨ things\stuff\evil away from them…
2. Well my mom…again it might sound tacky… but I do not go a single day without quoting the lady! I’m either quoting her or saying something she told me when I was younger and it worked\happened\understood later, and this is all the time. Also a supervisor a had (who passed away a few years ago) he helped me become the mature woman I’m today, he helped he understand that I needed to be responsible for my own actions and that those actions will always impact other folks (for good or bad). He thought me to be open and honest (like cruel honest) and to never give up (which my mom also did teach me)…may his soul rest in peace!
3. Oh Brazil and Egypt…I would love to visit both because they are somewhat eccentric, exotic, unique and special. I’ve always had this love for Egypt (since my first Art class in high school, the one that I remember!) something about sand, pyramids, desert, scarfs and mystery that I just can’t stay away. And Brazil in two words: Samba and Carnival!
4. My dream home…my kids would be running around and climbing like monkeys, my hubby lying in the couch playing video games, the dogs barking and me…well blogging! The rest is just that, the rest.
5. The craziest thing I’ve ever done…well my bff and I went to Miami for Labor Day
weekend a few years ago (before I met the hubby) and as some of you know Miami is a crazy city and Labor day is a crazy holiday… while at the beach I saw some girls top less and I said ¨what that hell, I’m a big girl but I could also show boobies¨ and so I did! I took my top off and showed them off…
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 12, 2011
Favorite band\artist--Rock on!
I enjoy listening to all kinds of music (as long as they are not repeated over and over and over...) but I definetely have some favorites.
Music has always been a big part in our lives. I remember my grandmother dancing us around the house (we were too little to dance with her, if you know what i mean you should be laughing now...) We were always laughing and dancing.
We grow up to be good dancers (not strippers or anything, we just enjoy dancing all night long). I like to dance with my kids, I want them to have the same fun my brothers and I when we were younger (the one we are having now whenever we get together and just dance!)
So here are the nominees:
Lady Antebellum.
That´s all folks, please stay tune for the next year awards...just kidding, stay tune for 30 Days with Toni.
Music has always been a big part in our lives. I remember my grandmother dancing us around the house (we were too little to dance with her, if you know what i mean you should be laughing now...) We were always laughing and dancing.
We grow up to be good dancers (not strippers or anything, we just enjoy dancing all night long). I like to dance with my kids, I want them to have the same fun my brothers and I when we were younger (the one we are having now whenever we get together and just dance!)
So here are the nominees:
- Aerosmith (rocking mode On)
- Boys 2 Men (for whenever I´m a romantic mood)
- Backstreet´s boys (I couldnt possibly leave them out, all time crush)
- Evanesence (for when my dark side comes out, and dont even day you dont have one, we all do)
- Don Omar (he is just plain sexy)
- Shakira (I want to be her when I grow up)
- SpongeBob (come on...you also know all his songs)
- The Big Time Rush guys (they are just cute and I like their songs, my 8yr old has a crush on them)
Lady Antebellum.
That´s all folks, please stay tune for the next year awards...just kidding, stay tune for 30 Days with Toni.
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 11, 2011
Photos of me...back in the days & now
I had a bit of trouble finding a picture of me from 10 years ago (my computer crash last week) :(, I know it sucks for me...a photographer computer less, how can I WORK!!!??? But thanks to Picasa web store (and thanks to my brother Luis, the one in the picture below who showed it to me) I was able to get this few pictures of me.
This is me about 8 years ago... I know what you are thinking: horrible hair dye. Go ahead be honest! I thought the same thing back then and I think the same thing now.Trust me when I tell you I changed it the next day (thank God for digital photography and after they snapped this picture I saw myself and uff, not pretty).
This is what I looked like last year in August...And I also know what you are thinking, ¨What a change¨ ¨Black definetely looks better on her¨ and ¨she looks hot¨. If you were thinking this then you are right in all the above statements (if you werent thinking this: then shame on you!.
This is me now (more or less). Again my mind is way ahead: I know I´m back to blond but this is a ¨good¨ kind of blond (I look hot now!, Not that I didnt back then...just saying for the records) But this is confident me...
I´m so glad to have done this years back picture thingy because it just shows me that I have been ¨me¨throughout the years, that I´ve fun in the process (regardless of the bumps in the road), that I´m some what of a Cameleon (seriously I transform) and that God has being there every step of the way...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
August 10, 2011
Something that makes my life easier...
Where to begin?
My cellphone, I do not even want to imagine what I would do without it. At one point when I moved recently I didnt have one and I was about to go crazy! (No seriously, I was having withdrawals issues).
The Internet, just at the same time I didnt have a cellphone (and mind you I went 3 months without either, the cell or the internet) and needless to say: withdrawals... I know I have issues! (screaming from realizing how bad my issues are, first step in the recovery process).
A drivable vehicle. I had a recent accident from which I survived mostly because ¨He¨ is always watching over me (most importantly protecting me) and I had my seat belt on. Since then I dont have a car (or any method of transportation that I could drive, I have to ask folks to drive me around, and I dont like that!). I had a Nissan Quest that really made my life easier...Good days.
Having courage, to do things that I wish to accomplish like showing myself that I could do this 30 days thingy, that I could accomplish anything I want (like momma always tells me), that I will one day make my kids proud of me and that as long as I have God as my driver, he will make sure I make it to my final destination...
Smile… it´s free!
My cellphone, I do not even want to imagine what I would do without it. At one point when I moved recently I didnt have one and I was about to go crazy! (No seriously, I was having withdrawals issues).
The Internet, just at the same time I didnt have a cellphone (and mind you I went 3 months without either, the cell or the internet) and needless to say: withdrawals... I know I have issues! (screaming from realizing how bad my issues are, first step in the recovery process).
A drivable vehicle. I had a recent accident from which I survived mostly because ¨He¨ is always watching over me (most importantly protecting me) and I had my seat belt on. Since then I dont have a car (or any method of transportation that I could drive, I have to ask folks to drive me around, and I dont like that!). I had a Nissan Quest that really made my life easier...Good days.
Having courage, to do things that I wish to accomplish like showing myself that I could do this 30 days thingy, that I could accomplish anything I want (like momma always tells me), that I will one day make my kids proud of me and that as long as I have God as my driver, he will make sure I make it to my final destination...
Aide ;)
Smile… it´s free!
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